Sometimes I feel like I write a blog post just for myself to read in the future. That seems particularly true in reference to two blog posts from the past - Uphill Climb and Listen to your body and Take a Break.

I'm injured again. And as you might know from my previous post - A Health Kick that Lasts - I've been doing amazingly well at fitting in fitness. And some really kick ass fitness at that. I've been doing Insanity, and I'm so in love with this program. I can't even convey how much up my alley this program is. It's a hate love relationship, but I do truly love how it makes me feel.  After each workout, I feel stronger and that I'm really improving myself.

About a week ago, it was finally beautiful outside here after a vastly too prolonged winter (and it snowed again today grrrr....) and I decided instead of my insanity workout, I would go for a run. A busted out a 3mi run for the first time in almost 3 months, and I felt fantastic.  I felt great before, after, and the next morning. But by 24 hours later, I was crippled and hobbling. The bottom outside of my foot was just aching and and on fire. It was a pain in a place I've never experienced before. And I couldn't contain my anger and frustration. Why does this always happen, I would catch myself thinking.  First appendicitis at the tail end of P90X and now this with 2 weeks left in Insanity.

It's been a week, and I've tried to stay on top of my Insanity. I've worked out through pain and discomfort just because I want to finish. I want to complete this program because I've worked so hard for it.

Stubborn and Feisty. A true Taurus.  

But I'm truly afraid that I'm going to injure myself more and more and more if I keep going, and sometimes its necessary to just do what feels right. Sometimes, as much as it sucks that I wasn't able to commit 100% all the way thorugh to the end, I need to just let my pride go and admit that I'm injured and I need to take a break until this injury gets better. My friends have tried to tell me to take a break, because they can see how much pain I'm in. They know I'm too stubborn for my own good. But they keep telling me that if I don't stop I'm going to have some raging tendonitis for a lot longer after I'm done (we think it's my peroneal tendon).

So here I am again, wrestling with whether or not to tough it out through pain killers, anti-inflammatories, ice packs, and a perpetual limp. I know I should probably just face the facts that I'm going to do more harm than good if I keep struggling through it. But, to have committed to something like this and then have it be out of my control whether or not I complete it, that sucks more than anything else. Knowing that I could have completed it, but can't because of this injury is the worst kind of defeat because its totally out of my control.

But it's not a defeat.
I didn't lose.
I prevailed, if anything.
I didn't give up.
I've been more dedicated to this than any other healthy path I've ever been committed too.
I haven't had a drop of alcohol since March 3rd.

No - I'm not defeated. I'm tough. I'm strong. And I'm proud. No matter what.