Self-Compassion - Be Kinder to Yourself, and it Will CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!
Self-compassion is a new concept for me! It was introduced to me by one of my challengers, now one of my coaches...and it's such an amazing concept!
It has become socially acceptable, especially in the realm of graduate school, to be self-critical. To bash ourselves! We're taught, socially that that is okay. And that that is how we improve. But that's not the case. Being unkind to yourself is the same as being unkind to someone else.
I paraphrased this quote from the podcast, "Art of Charm."
If you talked to your friends the way you talk to yourself, then you would not have any friends.
Mull that over for just a second.
We say things to ourselves like, "I suck" or "I'm so stupid." Those comments come so easily and so naturally. And it's sad.
If you say those things to yourself, even in a self-deprecating fashion, it's unkind. And those things we say to ourselves grow into things that we feel and believe about ourselves.
We need to realize that. We need to stop treating ourselves like that.
In the attached article, Margarita Tartakovsky, MS discusses 5 Strategies for Self-Compassion! In it, she says "Self-compassion has been linked to greater well-being, including diminished anxiety and depression, better emotional coping skills and compassion for others."
Okay, so self-compassion is good for you. But, what does it mean to exercise self-compassion? What IS self-compassion even?
In this article, they discuss the 3 types of self-compassion according to Kristin Neff, a PhD in human development.- Self-kindness, meaning exercises kindness and understanding toward yourself when you're struggling or suffering.
- Common humanity, meaning that you realize that you're not alone and that other people are experiencing similar struggles to you. Common humanity points to the fact that we should not feel isolated or alone in our struggles, because more likely than not others are experiencing the same things we are.
- Mindfulness, meaning that we are able to observe life without being judgmental and that we are able to suppress our thoughts and feelings and merely experience life as it happens to us!
Contrary to popular belief, it is not narcissistic or self-indulgent for you to exercise compassion with yourself! On the conrary, it will only benefit you.
I highly suggest you check out this website, http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/06/27/5-strategies-for-self-compassion/, to learn more about self-compassion and some strategies that you can use to improve the way you relate to yourself.
But here is the jist!
- Treat yourself the way you would treat a friend! - The other day my friend said to me, "I'm a hot mess...minus the hot part." Would you ever say that to a friend of yours? NO! So don't say it to yourself!
- Watch your language - We so often say things like "you suck" or "you're stupid" or something along those lines! Watch your language! Be kind to yourself!
- Comfort yourself with a physical gesture! - read more about this with the associated link! But the idea is to find a gesture, either placing your hands on your arms or putting a hand over your heart, or something like that t demonstrate compassion in a physical way!
- Memorize something that makes you feel compassionate or powerful...or better yet develop your own power phrase! One quote I have started to tell myself often is "Compassion is the thief of joy!" I often compared myself to others, and repeating this phrase to myself helps me to overcome that.
- Meditate! So often our reason for not being compassionate stems from just being our own heads! It's amazing what 10 minutes of meditation or merely sitting in silence will do to shutting off the rampant thoughts that run through your head!
I challenge you to start exercising self-compassion!
I challenge you to find an area of your life that you're particularly bad in and work on getting better!
If we're not compassionate toward ourselves, how do we expect others to be compassionate to us? We need to change the way we think about ourselves or we'll never find true happiness and passion in our lives.
Until next time,
RESOURCES:
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/06/27/5-strategies-for-self-compassion/
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